Vineyard Church North Phoenix | Attitudes Have 3 Parts

Understanding Attitudes
and How To Change Them

"Attitude" is a shorthand term used to summarize many different feelings, thoughts, and behaviors all at the same time. Various triggers provoke attitudes and simply hearing a word or seeing a sign can change a person's perspective. All Mom has to do is say Derek with that certain voice, for instance, and Derek knows she is going to ask him to do something. He responds with "Yeah, wadaya want!" Victoria gets to school and sees a pink slip taped to her locker again. She doesn't even read it but rolls her eyes and groans knowing that it's a call to the office. Triggers like these quickly move people into attitudes that help determine how they will respond to a situation.

Attitudes actually have three components: acting, feeling, and thinking. Each one is useful in the change process. The behavior is a flag to see the problem and know where to target the change. The emotion helps you know when to correct, and the thinking shows you what you need to address.

Many parents only focus on the first component, behavior, telling kids to "stop pouting," or "Don't roll your eyes at me." Furthermore, these parents tend to focus only on what not to do instead of what the child should do. It usually isn't helpful just to tell a child to "Stop having a bad attitude" without giving more guidance for developing a better response.

Remember that the goal of discipline is not just to make your children less annoying. As you correct your children for bad attitudes, you are preparing them for the future. After all, they will experience similar situations continually throughout their lives.

Look for ways to help your children think differently. Listening carefully to your child can help you identify thinking errors that lead to a bad attitude. What hidden belief might Jeremy, age ten, have? He complains and argues when you ask him to do the dishes? Maybe he believes, "Chores are an interruption to my life." If pressed, he may also reveal a belief, "All work is hard and unpleasant, and I must try to avoid it." A positive attitude about work comes from several new values such as "Work is necessary in order to brings benefits to me and to others" or "My contribution to family life is a statement of gratefulness for what I have."

Changing attitudes requires exposure to new ways of thinking. You can provoke your children to more healthy attitudes through dialogue, modeling, and correction.

For more on how to help children change attitudes, read chapter six in the book, "Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids."