Guilt Trap
The Guilt Trap
Some parents look at the pain their children have already experienced in life and then use leniency to try to compensate. The leniency then often results in demandingness and poor character in their children.
Children who have suffered through divorce, death of a family member, or have had a major illness need extra care and love but they don't need parents to just give in. These parents end up with kids who have two problems: they are hurt and they lack character. Because you love your children you may feel like you want to spare them any more pain so you hesitate to confront, correct, set limits, or discipline. This can be counter-productive. Instead, increase the love while continuing the firmness your child needs.
When you hear those words in your head, "she's already been through so much. . ." then it's time to step back and evaluate the situation and what you're teaching about life. One helpful solution is to develop a philosophy of discipline. Actually write out some key principles that will carry you through when you feel weak:
B. Unfairness is inevitable in life so our response to it is more important than balancing the scales.
C. Character is important and is often learned through difficulties.
D. Trials and problems can bring out the best in people.
Children who have struggles in life not only need heavier doses of love, but they often need heavier doses of firmness too in order to overcome a tendency toward self pity, demandingness, or selfishness. Lovingly guide your children to gain the most from their struggles and develop the character they need to be successful in life.
The tip for today was taken from the CD series called Single Parenting: Bringing hope and practical help to single, blended, and reconstructed families by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
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