Vineyard Church North Phoenix | Staying Refreshed/Finishing Well

by Costa Mitchell

Our Priority Must be “Being Before Doing”

As leaders, we have a “3-fold calling.” We are called to Christ, His Church, and His Cause and we must keep the priorities clear. “Being” has to do with our personal spiritual temperature and “poise” – it is toward Jesus!

We were never meant to do ministry alone. We are a dangerously individualistic people. Community, with its dynamics of support and accountability, provides an important biblical balance to the “Lone Ranger” mentality that has been the downfall of many leaders. A goal of any Christian leader should be to finish well.

Common Denominators of Not Finishing Well

Signs such as the following often become obvious to other people.

• Moral weakness. Adultery or other sexual sin publicly revealed.
• Financial derailment. Poor management, indiscipline or fraud/theft.
• Family neglect. Divorce or estrangement of a spouse.
• Discouragement. Sudden resignation or departure from ministry role without due process, or with emotional collapse involved.
• Alcohol or drug abuse. The abuse of alcohol or other substances in secret, alone, or as an anesthetic to the point of intoxication and enslavement.
• Theological error. Deviation from biblical orthodoxy or accepted values for church, leadership or ministry.

The Dynamics Behind not Finishing Well

• The entitlement trap. Many people involved in the “people helping” professions experience feelings of entitlement to “feeling better,” and justify within themselves patterns of compensation that lead to enslavement to substances, moral misbehavior, etc.
• Looking good vs. doing good. Image-consciousness is a slow poison to integrity of character because it involves a form of deception, which is a short step away from other forms of sin.
• Drivenness. When we are “driven” by anything, including ministry, we are setting ourselves up for burn-out.
• Loss of priorities. Regular accountability to our stated list of priorities is essential to both inner integrity and healthy family relationships.
• Pride.
• Barren habits. Professionalism, getting out of contact with ordinary people and neglecting our personal devotional lives.
• Charisma over character. A dependence on the gifts God gives us, to the neglect of personal growth and character development.

Success Markers of Those Finishing Well

It only takes “one thing” (single mindedness)

One of the regular “reality checks” we need, is to ask, “What am I here for?” We must measure our time and energy expenditure against this. In other words, ask, “Is what I am doing now, or am about to do in the next hour, leading to the fulfillment of the one thing for which God created me?”

Consistently in the Bible, we see examples of people who knew that everything hinges on the ‘one thing’ and that to miss it makes everything else meaningless.

Here are a couple of good questions to ask when getting focused.

• If everything you did was taken away from you one by one, what would you hold on to longest? What constitutes your “finish line” (II Tim 4:7)?
• What would you like said on your gravestone? And, what gives you joy and life when you are doing it (John 15:7-11)?

Humility...three things we must do

• Deal with bitterness. God doesn’t owe you anything, including success. Let go of any feelings of entitlement or disappointment.
• Develop your secret history with God. Prayer and hearing God in secret is an important discipline.
• Be quick to hear. What is the last instruction you heard from the Lord? Are you obeying it?

Accountability

We are all susceptible to the deception of the devil, or of our own self-centeredness. Make a habit of checking your leading with others, and walk humbly with “your” truth. Following are some suggestions on areas of accountability.

• Accountable for goals/purpose. Who knows what God has said to you, what are your goals, what is the purpose of your ministry? Who is praying for/supporting your progress?
• Accountable for growth/weaknesses. Who knows about your weak points, and how you’re doing against them?
• Requirements for a mentor. Initiate contact on a regular (at least monthly) basis. Ask the hard questions.
• Requirements for a mentoree. Keep short accounts. Call your mentor before you are defeated.

Biblical Examples of Strong Finishers

• For Jacob, defeat meant victory. He was “defeated” by God, and showed the limp ever afterward. His weakness became his strength. A leader who has been thus defeated is not disqualified – rather the opposite!
• Joseph was taken down but not out. The enemy tried to take him out by enslavement and imprisonment. The key to moving out of the despair and disillusionment he might have felt, was holding on to the dream God had given him.
• For Caleb, delay did not mean ultimate disillusionment. Having the “long view” of things was Caleb’s key to finishing well. God’s promises have to do with eternity and the long haul. Holding hard to this view will help us avoid cynicism.
• For Manasseh, there was repentance and restoration. No failure is final. There is always hope for restoration. Learn to “fail forward” in the words of John Maxwell. >John Mark—Get back on the horse. He failed in the mission field (Acts 13:13; 15:37-39). But God used a mentor (Barnabas) to restore his confidence and effectiveness so that the end of his story is better than the beginning (Col 4:10; II Tim 4:11).

Be Aware of These Issues and Symptoms

There are those “little red flags” all of us need to be aware of both in ourselves and in others.

Issues

• Performance/fear of failure issues. Seeing ministry as performance and having a self-image linked to that performance will cripple you in the long run. Remind yourself, ministry and identity are not the same thing. Your value is not in what you do but in who you are. Maintain a healthy sense of proportion (avoid the elitism trap), but affirm your rights as a person.
• Approval/fear of rejection issues. Linked to the above, when we fear rejection, we will become people-pleasers at the cost of our sense of obedience to God, and often at the cost of our own sanity. >Personal/outward blame issues. Brittle self-esteem will lead to not being able to take responsibility. This will prevent healing and growth.
• Fatigue/depression. Look for markers of this, such as loss of concentration, disturbed sleep, irritability/anger, avoidance of people, inability to concentrate and make decisions.
• Life and ministry transitions. Moving through a “decade change” (38-42; 48-52; 58-62) will bring periods of instability and accompanying temptations. Sometimes people fall into sin because they are mourning the “empty nest,” etc.

Symptoms

Someone close to you may notice these symptoms before you do.

• Avoidance. Of people, decisions, responsibility.
• Frequent anger outbursts. Rage, having a shorter fuse than usual.
• Changes in habits. Like sleep and rising times, exercise, use of alcohol or prescription drugs, etc.
• “Victim” language. In conversation, sermons, even prayer life.

Restoring Momentum for Those in Need of Refreshing

Following are some basics for those in ministry who need to be revived, refreshed or renewed.

• “ICU” time. You may need to get away into a retreat environment with counseling or other support.
• Environmental issues. Are you spending too much time in the office as opposed to in nature, fresh air? How much of your day is taken up with conflictual issues, counseling, etc.?
• Explore vision. Revise your life map. What elements are bringing tension, haunting or accusing you? Does it need “tweaking”? Re-commit to the big picture or dream.
• Some beginning steps. Journal where you see yourself now, and what is hurting/frustrating you. Revise your day planner, and make sure it has time built into it for your stated priorities, like your spouse, family, exercise, reading, prayer, etc.
• Mentoring/accountability. Who do you know that you can’t lie to? Who is your colleague or father-confessor? Have someone agree with you that they will ask you these questions every week/month.
  • How much time have you spent with your spouse?
  • What have you done for your personal development?
  • What have you been reading?
  • What have you heard from God?
  • How’s your prayer time been?
  • What are you asking God for?
  • Have you had any exercise?
  • Have you seen any sexually explicit material?
  • Have you lied to me in the last 10 minutes?

Practical Steps and Suggestions to Staying Refreshed

Keep the Sabbath…

…are you taking a regular day OFF?

Management by priorities…

…check that weekly planner!

Daily exercise…

…walking, gym, etc.

Weekend off…

…take one every quarter, getaway

Home three nights a week…

…and be PRESENT with your family!

Dinner/coffee…

…a date with your spouse every week

Social life…

…friends you enjoy and can laugh with

Colleague confessor…

…who’s yours?

Annual leave…

…take three weeks off a year

Hobbies/interests…

…something that relaxes your mind

Boundaries…

…time and space for your family

Late nights…

…be aware; they make you vulnerable

Transference…

…is anyone using inappropriate terms?

Sabbatical…

…plan 3 months every 7th year

Attitudes required for the long haul

• Realize that you are not alone.
• Realize that you are in a battle.
• Decide to run a marathon.
• Decide not to sacrifice your marriage for “the ministry.”
• Believe that “the ministry” was intended for pleasure.
• Deal with your self expectations.
• Let God be God.
• You are not indispensable.
• Delegate what you don’t need to do.

My prayer is for Vineyard pastors and leaders to be a community of people who spur one another on our journey. We want to be a people who stay refreshed and vibrant in the Lord and who encourage others to do the same.

Below You Will Find A Section For Personal Reflection.

Pick a single word describing your experience until now.

Epitaph (funeral oration).

Describe one person you know personally who finished well. What did he/she do that makes you think this about him/her?

Which of the common causes of failure is most likely to trouble you? Why? What can you do to combat it?

Perseverance/endurance scale (1 to 10):

___Physical
___Spiritual
___Family
___Work
___Marriage
___Emotional
___Social
___Intellectual

What are you doing daily/weekly to de-stress, stay focused, deepen your spiritual life and connect with your spouse?

To whom are you accountable?

How does your family rate you on:
Time with them (quantity + quality)
Doing things they enjoy
Being a family member (dad, mom, brother, etc)

What peg (nail) do you see in your life the devil could use?

Ask your best friend if he/she sees any “pegs” (nails) in your life.

What do you want to be doing in:
5 years?
10 years?
20 years?
40 years?

Do you have a personal mission statement? What does it say?

Are you caring for your kids as if they are the future leaders of the Kingdom of God?

We all need a Paul, a Timothy and a Barnabas. Who are yours?

Modeling character. Rate yourself (Satisfied?, Why?, How could you change your rating?) on:
___Use of time
___Following through on commitments
___Treatment of others
___Loyalty to friends/colleagues
___Use of money
___Recreational choices
___Honesty/Integrity
___Healthy speech

Costa Mitchell is married to Lorraine and is the National Director of the Association of Vineyard Churches in South Africa. They live in Cape Town, South Africa. Costa has authored two books; A Practical Guide To Intimacy In Marriage and Learn To Love Yourself, and is working on a third, titled Giving Leadership.